Too Much of a Good Ed
by Ann Gry
Summary: A new girl moves into the cul de sac. She happens to be very gullible. It's the first time in a long time that the Eds successfully scam someone without any backlash. But will they take it too far?
1. New Neighbors

Disclaimer: The TV series "Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy" was created by Danny Antonucci in A.K.A. CARTOON INC. "Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy" is owned by Cartoon Network. This work of fanfiction is soley for entertainment purposes. I do not own the characters depicted in this story, nor do I gain any profit from using them.

Chapter 1: New Neighbors

The calm of the morning was covered protectively by a blanket of grey cloud. The past summer days had been heavy with heat, reducing the yards of the Peach Creek suburbs to wilting patches of scrubs. This morning possessed an unusual but welcome cool air that churned through the grass and perspired with dew. There was a quiet underlying roll of thunder that came and went uncertainly.

A few birds dripped their voices from the trees as though they were too bogged down with the humidity to raise their voices any higher. As the first watery rays of the sun beat against the cloud cover, the rest of the life in the cul-de-sac stirred from dormancy. It was going to be a long, dull day.

At 220 Rathink Avenue the lights were still off throughout the house. All was silent except for the hiccuping of a record player as the needle wandered across the grooves of Barry White. The bedroom emitting the tunes was lavishly decorated, a plush white rug and rich, newly-installed velveteen curtains only the surface of the embellishment. The sleek disco ball that slowly rotated from its turnstile on the ceiling gleamed a dull sheen as the bleak morning crept into the room through one large window.

Buried in the depths of a violet-sheeted circular bed a squat young boy slept fitfully, turning over repeatedly and grabbing loosely at the pillow cushioning his head. The white undershirt he used as sleepwear was stained with sweat. He muttered something unintelligible and buried his face in the sheets. A nightmare was plaguing his dreams, bad enough to elicit a grunt of, "No grandpa, it's just a kitten..."

Mercifully the boy's dreaming was distracted by the rumble of trucks passing by his house. He groaned, caught between consciousness and the clinging strands of cat whiskers. In the calm of the morning these growling vehicles seemed to double in volume. Numbly the boy sat up in bed, eyes clenched shut and mouth pressed in a firm line. His scant hairs frizzed wildly from his scalp and he swiped a clumsy hand over them in an attempt to smooth them back. Arduously he opened his eyes, staring at the posters on the opposite wall until the pictures came into focus. As the last vestige of last night's showing faded from his mind, his blank expression curled into a scowl.

After waiting for a moment for the sound of trucks to subside without reward, he slipped out of his bed and staggered around his room, picking up a pair of blue jeans and a polo shirt. As he hopped into the pants he muttered hoarsely, "Can't a guy get some peace and quiet around here? When I get out there..." His foot caught against the inside of a pant leg and he teetered over, face digging into the carpet.

Finally dressed, the boy stomped across the room, pausing briefly to turn off the record player, to a door leading into the backyard. He slid open the door with fervor and stepped out, ready to find the source of the noise pollution and give it a piece of his mind. He didn't get very far, though, for as soon as he took the step out he tripped over a lumpish form. The trip sent him sprawling into the grass. When he recollected himself with some huffs and turned to look at the unexpected obstacle, he recognized the form as actually being one of his friends, Ed. The large-framed boy snored peacefully on the ground, undisturbed by the impact.

"Ed, have you been sleepwalking again?" the boy asked while toeing Ed with his shoe. He looked around them. The yard was littered with food remnants, and Ed was settled in a diverse nest of foodstuffs probably garnered from refrigerators around the neighborhood. It looked as though the kid had ended his jaunt last night right at the foot of his friend's bedroom door.

"Wake up, Rapunzel." He began prodding the sleeping hulk more forcefully as his irritation grew. When his parents saw the mess, they'd be making him clean it up. "I said wake up!" He hiked his leg back and rammed it into Ed's side. It was a terrible mistake. Ed was as hard as a rock. Of his own volition Ed began to surface from his calm, yawning wide and stretching languidly in his nest of wrappers and leftovers.

Looking around with a sleepy grin across his face, Ed was unfazed by his relocation from his bedroom down the street and the heaviness in his gut. Once his eyes cast on his little friend, who was dancing on one foot and clutching the other, he brightened and chirped, "Hi, Eddy! What are you doing in my bedroom?"

At first Eddy stared down at Ed, too flabbergasted to say anything. The throbbing in his foot brought back his focus. As he opened his mouth to snap back, a sudden blare from the street silenced them both. They turned in time to see a truck rumbling down the street towards the end of their cul-de-sac. The blast from the horn had been intended for a cat that wandered into the street, which was now clawing up a tree with an indignant yowl.

"Where are they all coming from?" Eddy wondered, watching the mud flaps sway as the truck escaped the narrow view his house and fence allowed of the road. Catching the question, Ed perked up from his junk-bed and flourished an index finger.

"Maybe they're spaceships in disguise coming to take all our sock lint."

"I don't think so, Ed." His eyes lit up. "Maybe they're trucks full of jawbreakers! Kevin's garage has been empty for days now. It could be the break we've been waiting for." Rubbing his hands together he continued, "Just wait for the right moment and take a couple. Kevin would never notice."

"But Eddy, what about the aliens?"

"Let's wake up Double D. He can make something for us to get those jawbreakers and no one will be the wiser."

With effort Eddy pulled his friend up by some slack in the stiff green jacket Ed wore. It would have been easier without the piles of food beneath the lumbering boy's feet, making him slip and jerk Eddy around several times. Many times Eddy wished he could just yank his pal from the mess by his hair, but Ed was lucky enough to have a buzz cut during the summer, granting him amnesty from such treatment.

Having collected themselves, the two boys went around to the front of Eddy's house and waited for yet another truck to pass before crossing the street. They followed it with their eyes down the road and noticed a few other kids on their street had come out to see what was going on. Everyone seemed confused by the disturbance to their normally mundane suburb. The appearance of the trucks had them disoriented.

When they reached Double D's house, they found him leaning out his window and watching the trucks. Eddy called up to him, cupping his hands around his mouth.

"Hey, Sockhead! How's the view from up there?" Surprised, Double D reached a hand impulsively to touch the black hat he kept firmly secured on his head. Once the voice of his friend registered he looked down and smiled a little.

"Good morning, Eddy, Ed," came Double D's pleasant response. "I'll be down in a moment." A moment later the front door opened and Double D stepped out, clasping his hands loosely together and heaving a little sigh. "Isn't it wonderful?" he said.

"What?" asked Eddy. He raised an eyebrow at Double D's wistful expression.

"Why, the arrival of the moving vans! We are seeing the enhancement and accession of a suburban neighborhood firsthand. These trucks piling into our little cul-de-sac are harbingers of progress, change, and new adventures." He looked expectantly at his friends. Ed was smiling, but it was apparent he hadn't really understood the speech. Eddy was rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, harps and gobbledygook. What we're really here for..." Eddy trailed off, pawing over what Double D had said. He furrowed his brow. "What do you mean, 'moving vans?' Aren't those jawbreaker trucks?"

"Jawbreakers by the ship full!" Ed chimed in.

"Goodness, no!" Double D couldn't help but chuckle, and he covered his mouth with one hand. At the sour expression on Eddy's face he amended, "The trucks have a moving company logo, Eddy. It isn't unusual for them to travel in the early morning, before city traffic becomes unmanageable. See," he gestured behind them. The three Eds watched as the trucks drove slowly around the dead-end street and parked around a house. Movers began climbing out of the trucks and opening up the backs to carry crates out.

"That's next to my house," Eddy blurted out in surprise. He couldn't believe he hadn't realized their close vicinity sooner. Ed was thrilled.

"You're going to have lint-abductors for neighbors!"

"That's strange," said Double D. "If I remember correctly, there's only been one house for sale around here for months… Oh." They all fell silent.

The one house that had been for sale in the cul-de-sac for months on end was the _haunted house_. All the kids avoided it, fearing to even be in its shadow. Sometimes someone claimed to see a silhouette in one of the windows. The place was unofficially condemned. Since the kids avoided the house so thoroughly, a lot of the time it was as though the place didn't exist. Eddy had discovered great solace in this.

"Well," Double D said, trying to lighten the mood. He didn't continue.

"Let's check it out," Eddy picked up the lead. Without another word the three boys went down the street to check out the new arrivals.


	2. The Fourth

Disclaimer: The TV series "Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy" was created by Danny Antonucci in A.K.A. CARTOON INC. "Ed, Edd 'n' Eddy" is owned by Cartoon Network. This work of fanfiction is soley for entertainment purposes. I do not own the characters depicted in this story, nor do I gain any profit from using them.

Chapter 2: The Fourth

The better vantage points were already occupied when the three Eds made their journey across the street. The children of the cul-de-sac had come in full force to catch a glimpse of the unannounced homeowners and their belongings. They were clustered together along the sidewalk, keeping a safe distance from the movers who were carrying crates from the trucks and stacking them in the yard. Dried up weeds crackled under the weight of the luggage. Slowly the barren yard was hidden beneath mysterious cargo, turning the dull plot of land into a forest of padlocks and rope twine.

A pale young boy, shivering even in his sweater, was clutching willowishly to a button-eyed plush bunny. The toy had a Band-Aid on its right cheek, matching the gauze taped over its owner's face. His nervous grimace was shielded by the bright barrier of exterior headgear, giving his soft voice a slight lisp as he asked, "Who could be brave enough to face this outdated house of horrors?" His shoulders were encircled by the arm of a redheaded girl who looked at him with sympathy.

"I don't know, Jimmy," she said, while turning to look at the house. The looming, near-dilapidated face of the construct gave her a chill.

"Oh, please," another boy said caustically. He was slightly removed from the other kids, leaning against a tree with his baseball cap lilting off the back of his head. A few threads of hair fled from the confines of the hat and hovered over his eyes. The redhead glared at him menacingly, but it was another girl who spoke next.

"Don't worry, Jimmy." Jimmy sought out the reassuring smile of the older girl, Nazz, who obliged. "They wouldn't sell this house if it wasn't safe. And it isn't like nobody hasn't gone in there before."

"You don't mean Dork, Dorkk, and Dorky, do you?" the boy by the tree interrupted. He straightened and sauntered over to the group, then crossed his arms with a frown. "That whole thing was a hack. They couldn't stay in there for five minutes before calling for help."

"Ah, yes." The focus shifted upwards to the grin of a tall boy, eyes boring holes into his peers' heads. "Their squeals were like the migration of the sows in winter. Isn't that right, Kevin?" he added, elbowing the aloof boy in the shoulder. Kevin pushed him away.

"Knock it off, Rolf."

"But I did see something that time, Sarah," whimpered Jimmy to his redheaded friend as he recalled that dreadful day. He had been fetching a wayward ball when movement in that imponderable forbidden zone caught his eye. The silhouette of a person, or perhaps some creature far more sinister... After the Eds had brazenly invaded the inner sanctum of the uninviting building, they had come out under the reign of the brutish "brides," the Kanker sisters. The others had tried to persuade him that the silhouette he'd seen was that of one of the Kankers', but he still harbored his suspicions.

"Plank's been inside," another boy piped up. His smile was dimpled by a snaggletooth. In his hand he gripped a plank of wood, whose crayon smile stared eerily out at the children. Kevin looked at him dully.

"Right. And what did he find there?"

The boy held Plank up and gazed intently into the piece of wood's face. After a few quiet seconds he giggled and said, "Plank says the place is full of monsters!"

Jimmy squeaked, looking quickly to the haunted house for any signs of monstrous activity in the windows. The place was still. Sarah growled as she approached Plank's escort and prodded him angrily in the shoulder. She chastised him vehemently, voice scraping like a blade over mortar.

"Stop making up stories, Johnny! You're scaring Jimmy." Johnny laughed as he evaded the stabbing finger, dancing a few feet away with Plank tucked against his side. He swatted playfully at Sarah, mussing her red hair into a flurry of flames.

"I know what Plank told me. Take it up with him!"

"Come on, guys," the older girl intervened before an argument could break out. Jimmy wailed also, "Please, no fighting! I already have a headache."

"Poor Fluffy," Kevin jived. He looked around the yard. It was filled up with boxes now. The movers had retired to a spot amidst the trucks, probably taking a break. The cloudy atmosphere cast everything in a dismal light and made things appear grainy. It looked like Frankenstein was having a yard sale. His nose wrinkled. "Anyone who's going to live here has to be a real weirdo." Johnny whipped past, nearly knocking Kevin to the ground as he fled Sarah's persistent ire. Rolf was watching the pursuit with interest.

"This reminds Rolf of his days as a shoe shodder's apprentice, rounding the goats for their measurements." The foreign boy sighed, reliving his memories. Kevin looked at him blandly, then slowly turned away.

"They'll feel right at home here."

"Should I get my sponges?" The question came from a few feet away. Kevin didn't look, instead giving a little shudder and saying with disgust, "It was too good to last." The other kids displayed similar levels of joy at the coming of Ed, who loped onto the scene with his hands rifling through an inside pocket of his jacket. He extracted a stiff, dry chunk of some porous material, and held it up with a pleased smile.

"I've been saving this one since last June."

"Ed, is that... ?" Double D caught up with Ed and looked at the displayed object with growing horror. He took a step away, pressing a hand to his chest and saying wretchedly, "Is that a hunk of _cottage cheese_?"

"No way, Double D." Ed petted the chipping cube with one finger. "It's sponge cake." The "sponge" was peppered with spots of mold.

"Ed!" shrieked Sarah. She stormed over to Ed and smacked his hand, sending the housewarming gift sailing into the grass. A few specks of flies circled lazily around it. Ed gripped his hand and looked at his little sister with fear and hurt.

"But my sponge," he began with a wavering whine. Sarah didn't let him finish. She shook a fist at him.

"If you keep putting leftovers in your clothes, you're going to be in big trouble, Mister!"

Rolf stared at the piece of sponge, shock written across his face. He pointed at it while fixing Kevin with a concerned expression. "Why does she who splits eardrums desecrate the sponge loaf?"

Johnny, having escaped Sarah's wrath thanks to Ed, crouched down beside the dejected item and giggled. He exchanged smiles with Plank. "Boy, Ed sure carries the craziest stuff, huh, Plank?"

"Gross," was all Nazz cared to say on the subject. Kevin nodded.

By this time Eddy had sidled up to the lawn, eyes wandering and hands thrust into his pockets. He kept a look of disinterest carefully painted over his face. Ed was prostrating himself on the sidewalk, begging Sarah not to tell their mother about the moldy sponge collection he kept stashed away for "special occasions." When nobody engaged Eddy in the conversation, he took matters into his own hands.

"I wonder what's in all these boxes," he said, loud enough to attract everyone's attention.

"Sponges?" Ed immediately suggested. Sarah punched him in the arm, not inflicting any real injury, but hard enough to silence him. Once he knew everyone was watching, Eddy waltzed onto the yard towards the nearest box, one secured with a rope tie. He turned and faced the kids, still on the sidewalk, and glared at Ed and Double D. Reluctantly they joined him.

"Let's see what we have in here," sang Eddy. He struggled with the ropes keeping the box shut.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kevin asked angrily, but Eddy ignored him. The ropes finally came untied, sliding off the sides of the crate and puddling in the dirt. With a self-satisfied chuckle Eddy pulled apart the flaps and peered inside. He straightened up again, smacking Ed and Double D on their shoulders.

"Keep an eye out for the adults." His friends humored him and watched the circle of trucks while stealing glances at the box. Any misgivings were overpowered by curiosity.

"This is not cool, Eddy," Nazz admonished him. Beside her Jimmy was trembling, the plush bunny hanging limply at his side. Johnny watched with amusement.

"They're at it again, hey, buddy?"

"Wait 'till I tell mom, Ed!"

Despite their words, however, none of the kids went to fetch an adult. As much as they were loathe to admit, they were eager to learn more about the new people as well.

"Well, well! What's this?" Eddy resurfaced from his dive into the box with a strange contraption gripped in his hands. Rolf breathed out in awe.

"It looks like the curling iron Na Na uses for her fallen arches."

The item had a plastic blue body with a handle, and a long feed of coiled wire came out from an attachable spout. Eddy held it from the handle, spinning the body around. He changed courses then and turned the handle. The action was rewarded with the strange sight of a spring wire revolving jerkily. Ed stared at it for a while, then burst out with joy.

"It's an alien mind probe!"

"Actually, Ed, I think it's a drain cleaner." Double D's comment fell on deaf ears. Encouraged by Eddy's find, the other kids had shed their remaining scruples to come onto the yard and start poking around other boxes. Kevin followed after them with some unwillingness, not wanting to encourage Eddy's ego to grow but adamant against being left out of the picture. He accompanied Nazz as she opened another box, standing by with a stone face like a chaperone.

"Way cool!" Johnny beamed at a mask he had pulled from a box filled with ceramics and crumpled newspapers. The face was painted with grotesque features, bright paint flaring the eye slots and several stabs of blue and red curling around the mouth. The nose was fashioned like a handle from a dinner platter's cover. There was no strap or string to secure it around his head, so he wore it as a helmet instead. A richly decorated cloth came out next, which he tied around his neck as a cape.

"I'm Baron Von Broil!" Johnny roared. Now equipped with the proper garb, he began flitting around the yard, making declarations and pouncing on invisible enemies. Plank was his sidekick, Charcoal Charlie.

Sarah, Jimmy, and Nazz had discovered some musty old clothes, which they leafed through with interest. A twisted, polished cane was discovered, favored by Jimmy as a stylish accessory. Not wanting to leave a mess on the yard, they tried to keep the clothes in the crate, but after being unfolded the order had been completely undone.

Double D was poking hesitantly through a crate full of books until he found one which piqued his interest. He tried to share it with Ed, but the capricious boy had found a plaque with a fish mounted on it and was making it attack the "villagers," a collection of strange knickknacks that had fallen out of a smaller box within the crate. Rolf meanwhile had managed to gain Kevin's interest with an instrument that looked more appropriate in an old age torture chamber than in their dreary cul-de-sac. Occasionally Eddy drew the attention back to himself, showing off the "curling iron's" amazing abilities, such as screwing a sizable hole into the ground or simply making a sound similar to that of a propeller.

The majority of their findings were excessively unusual, lacking any obvious value for day-to-day living. The new neighbors seemed eccentric already. They hadn't even gone through half of the crates with rope ties. There were many more with metal locks, holding unknown mysteries and treasures. The constant risk of being chased off by the movers kept the kids from leaving their finds strewn across the yard. It had to be one item at a time, inspected to the utmost of their ability, to try to solve what possible use a whirligig with attachable sprocket assembly might have.

The activities came to a standstill when a voice was superimposed over the children. It was of a quiet and embarrassed timbre, but its unexpected entry gave it authority.

"What are you doing?"

Ten faces turned towards the speaker, an unfamiliar girl standing awkwardly on the sidewalk with a box in her arms. Her hair was a curly mess and her clothes hung off her in an unflattering way. The pockets seemed to constitute one-third of the material.

The drain cleaner, still in Eddy's possession, slipped from his stiff fingers and rolled in the dry grass, making a muffled clacking sound. The metal coil entangled with a few dead blades.

Firmly stamping out the suffocating silence, Nazz took a step away to separate herself from the wall of eyes and addressed the girl with a careful smile.

"Are you the new neighbor?"

"Well," the girl mumbled, her eyes darting from one empty space to another, "yes."

"Neato!" Johnny exclaimed. The girl stared at him, a look of perplexity and alarm washing out her features.

"So what's your name?" Nazz pressed her.

"It's Edie." Another wave of silence crashed over the assembly as Edie took in the shock registering on her new neighbors' faces.

Nazz repeated the name, pronouncing carefully, "Eddy?" The girl gave a slight nod.

When it became clear no more questions were forthcoming, Edie shifted her weight from one foot to the other, adjusted her hold on the box in her arms, and cleared her throat. "I have to go now," she said quickly. Without another look back she hurriedly walked past the kids, up the porch, and into the sold house. The door slowly swung shut behind her.

The bang of the latch being thrown into use seemed to snap the rest of the kids out of their mutual stupor. Immediately Kevin lamented, "Just what we need, another Ed on the block!" Rolf nodded in agreement, muttering, "Yah, yah!" Nazz frowned at him.

"Come on, Kevin. Don't make a decision like that so quickly. She might be fun," she shrugged, not entirely convincing herself. Before the kids could discuss any further, several fat drops of water splattered down onto the sidewalk with a deep growl of thunder behind them. Soon after hundreds more pattered on their arms and heads, warm and soppy.

The day was forfeit. It was time to go home. As everyone wandered back to their respectful houses the movers moved all of the crates from the yard into the depths of the haunted house.

---

"She seemed nice." Double D's voice whispered over the homemade walkie-talkie with a thin coating of static. Eddy paced his room, kicking at piles of clothes and empty record cases. The player was off at the moment. He wasn't in the mood for grooves. His clothes were hanging over a chair, still damp from the sudden change in the weather. The summer rain pelted the dull and thirsty lawns unceasingly, building up a constant low thrum in the air.

"She's a louse," Eddy growled into his walkie-talkie. Ed's voice boomed out of the ear piece.

"And a haunted one, just like in 'Abduction of Curtain Cleaner!' The sequel."

"Louse, stupid, not house."

"And how did you come to this conclusion, may I ask?" Double D tried to sound angry for the girl's sake, but lacked conviction. He sighed, careful not to let the sound of lassitude register in his friends' ears.

Eddy turned and glared at the wall towards the direction of Double D's house. "Were you there? The mouse is running around with _my_ name, and she's afraid of Johnny, for Pete's Sake."

"Aw, that's nice of her."

"Maybe," Double D said as calmly as he could, "if we were to interact in a more personal setting, she would be more inclined to open up." This did not satisfy Eddy.

"As far as I care, the more distance she keeps from us, the better." He jabbed a finger at the walkie-talkie, holding it at arm's length. "We don't need any Ed, especially not a _girl_ Ed, making the rest of us look bad." He switched off the walkie-talkie and tossed it into an anonymous corner of his room. Ed, over at his house, had grown bored of the conversation earlier, and was already entertaining himself with a tub of cooking sauce and a ladle.

Double D turned his walkie-talkie off with an irritated grumble, "Make us look bad?" and placed the device carefully in a drawer. He sat down at his desk, still annoyed with Eddy's attitude. Consoling himself, he muttered, "No, I don't think she could."


End file.
